I resolved to break a literary rule once again, as I did in Message of Love. One of the main conceits of the romance novel is the idea of monogamy; one love between two people. But what if the rules are changed because of a variety of reasons, or just one reason?
In this excerpt, set after a New Year's Eve party in Pittsburgh, boyfriends Reid and Everett push their own boundaries of honesty, faithfulness, and fidelity. Critical reviews have called it "cheating," but others who know how love works, and that sexuality between young men isn't always the magical happily ever after.
from Chapter 24
December 1981
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We spent the night with Holly at another New Year’s Eve party, this one at the opera house, which had us
doing the tuxedo act again, and enjoying ourselves, until Everett impulsively
turned Cinderella, insisting that we make a mad dash back to this dad's condo, where
some nighttime antics took place.
Afterward, cozying up in bed, the
curtains still open to enjoy the view, I understood what he had said about the
distance between his parents. For all its panoramas, the condo guest room felt
cold, unfilled, still lacking any real character of Everett.
I asked him if he had thought of
bringing more of his old things, toys or whatever, to keep at his father’s
home.
But he shook his head. “This is
‘new dad.’ This is like, you know, sexy like a hotel room; dormant. I don’t
think I can live with any of them, re-nest, you know?”
“Hmmm.” I found his dilemma
puzzling. I took my parents’ welcome back for granted. Whenever, if I’d wanted
to work at the nursery fulltime, I assumed they would be fine with it, for a
few years, perhaps.
But they knew I had ambitions to
leave Greensburg. I’d pretty much established that at my fifth birthday party,
a story my mother’s told more than I remember. Inspired by some illustrated
children’s book, I had declared that I would one day ‘live on a big mountain
top in a forest by the sea.’
The parks and nature and wildlife
and moss was all part of my future, even if my studies were mostly limited to
books and igneous rocks. The idea of home was still my parents’, but what
Everett was already facing, in addition to the family guilt-trip triage, was
the unmet goal of true independence.
“Besides,” Everett mused. “Why
redo the room for me? He’s probably sizing it up for a nursery if he knocks up
the girlfriend.”
He sounded so sad to me. I
offered a hug, hoping it would lead to more, despite the late hour, and our
being slightly drunk.
“So, I want to tell you
something, but I don’t want you to be upset.”
I sat up in bed, pulled away.
“Remember Kyle the gymnast?”
“Puppy dog eyes? Grapefruit-sized
shoulders?”
“That would be him.”
“Yes.”
“Well, we’ve been working out
together. He’s got all these amazing upper body routines, and he’s so hyper.”
“Yeah?”
“He came over to my dorm last
month, just insisted on visiting.”
“Insisted.”
“Well, we kind of. He kind of
privately showed me some of his moves, naked.”
“Naked.”
“He’s very flexible.”
“Is he?”
“It was just the one time. I
promise it’ll never happen again.”
“What won’t happen again?”
“We kind of had sex.”
“Kind of.” An emptiness swept
over me where anger or jealousy was supposed to flood in.
“It was just a little, you know.”
“No, I don’t know.”
“He was showing off, and just
curious about me, I guess.” He explained the brevity of the act, and Kyle’s
comparative gymnastic upside down talents.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because it happened, and I’m
sorry.”
“Why be sorry? It sounds like you
had fun.” Was I supposed to be angry, leave, shout at him? It all seemed rather
inconvenient, it being late at night, and me unable to imagine leaving.
“You could, you know, have a
little dalliance and it would be okay,” he offered.
“A ‘dalliance?’ What the fuck is
a dalliance?”
“I told you before. I want you to
have a full experience. I don’t want to hold you back.”
“From what? You think sucking
some other guy’s dick is just extra credit?”
“It doesn’t mean anything.
He’s... You should try it; have an adventure.”
“An adventure. Is that what it is
to you?”
“Yeah. It’s like that Amish
holiday. Rumspringa.”
“I should go back to Holly’s. I’m
not feeling very Amish.”
“No, Reid. Please. It didn’t mean
anything. It was just fun.”
“Fun.”
“Yes.”
“All this ‘fun’ must be what’s
giving you some memory lapse. I fought for you, to keep you in my life.”
“Thank you for reminding me,
again.”
“And it’s also kind of an
anniversary, which is like the worst time you could have admitted this.”
“Yes. We stuck on New Year’s Eve
that first time,” Everett said, then joked, “It was very sticky.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I know. Let’s be together. I
promise. No more fooling around.”
“Maybe I want to have a little,
what did you call it? ‘Dessert.”
“What, as revenge?”
“To even the score.”
The fact that he had managed to
have a ‘sidebar’ encounter with some elfin jock seemed unimportant, at least to
him, and I was supposed to agree, because we were continually negotiating our
place together, in our lives and in our families’ lives.
Perhaps this was the moment where
someone else, someone stronger, might have stormed off and gone home. But where
could I go in the middle of the night? And where was home; my parents house,
where my old toys lived? The odd little room we rented in Philadelphia? And
where was his home, where would I run from? Did he even know?
“Well, we might as well enjoy the view,” I said as I rose
from the bed and stripped off my shorts.
“What are you doing?”
“You’ll see.”
And then, with half of the
skyline before us, I repeatedly, somewhat drunkenly attempted, and finally
succeeded in managing a naked handstand.
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